Dear Thelma- Homeschooling & Recycling, Oh my!

Dear Thelma,

You can't imagine how happy I was to receive your last letter!

To think that all this time I thought I was completely alone in the homeschooling world.

Yes, can you believe it, I also homeschool!

I look forward to sitting down over a nice cup of coffee (maybe with a shot of Baileys due to my "headaches") and discuss our philosophies as you said. There are so many out there and I do so hope that you are not one of the many crazies that I know.

Just tell me this...do you wear pants and is your hair in a bun? I'm just trying to prepare myself.

You aren't going to believe this either. Brace yourself. Are you ready?

I recycle too!

Sometimes I think maybe I do it just to drive the people in my house crazy with all the sorting.

But then I tell myself, sorting is a good skill for these people to learn, and I feel better about going green-ish.

Before I close for the evening, I am enclosing an article for you to read on some really ultimate, go green type people. I'm pretty sure that they are type A,D,S,& P people all rolled into one.

I'm also pretty sure I never want to go visit them.

Enjoy the read and I hope to hear back from you soon!

Lovingly,

Louise

Dear Louise - Things You Should Know

Thank you for your honesty in your previous letter. If your dog does housework, by all means bring him with you! I would love to entertain him. If, however, he does not, I have nothing here for him. I, myself, have work animals. They have their individual chores to do. If they don’t pull their weight, they are fired. Kill vermin, bark at strangers, eat my scraps so my garbage doesn’t stink, etc. Do it or die. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

I should warn you though: I’ve turned into a bit of a hippie since we saw one another last. When you get here, you will be required to do things like compost and recycle. Don’t panic; it’s not that hard. You’ll get used to it. We also eat organic meat and drink almond milk. If you feel appalled by this, I suggest a trip to the store. I have reusable shopping bags if you need to borrow one.

We have full amenities here in the backwoods. Running water, indoor plumbing, laundry facilities. Our washing machine is, of course, an Energy Star rated appliance; we must think green. And we make our washing detergent. I think you’ll like it.

During the day, I will be unavailable for a few hours. I don’t know if I told you that I home school my children. We can discuss my educational philosophy at a later date. I hope you’re okay with that.

I’m terribly excited about your visit! I just know we’re going to want to be together for always. Please let me know if you have any questions!

Yours Forever,
Thelma

Dear Thelma- My thoughts on Pets

Thank you for the invite to your home after all these years. I think it will be just wonderful to visit you and what I am sure is your fine family.

Before my visit however, I thought we should get a few things out in the open in order to assure a stress free get together for the both of us.

Just so you know, I will not be bringing any animals to your home. I find it tacky and really quite presumptuous to even think that someone would want to not only entertain me and my snarling bunch of children, but a flea ridden or not flea ridden beast with 4 legs.

Don't get me wrong Thelma, I like my dog. Heck, I even let the fur ball in on certain catastrophic occasions, but I know that you know that I know that you don't care what tricks "Fluffy" can do on any given day. Truth be told, I don't care what tricks "Fluffy" can do. (Unless of course those tricks were to clean the kitchen on a daily basis, in which case I would be totally remiss in NOT bringing "Fluffy" on my visit.)

Having said these things, please understand when I arrive at your home, I would rather be greeted by snotty nosed children carrying buckets of your wash water, than your dog dressed in his best sweater, standing on hind legs juggling your homemade tennis balls. While this may be impressive to some (and by some I mean my children, as well as any number of producers from that "Animal Planet" network) I for one could care less.

It is a great pet peeve of mine to witness dogs doing anything other than being dogs. I would rather see a dog lick himself for 3.25 hours, than to see him carefully walk the balance beam in your yard while doing back flips and drinking a soda. Really, its quite absurd.

If your regard for you pets is anything other than a protector of your home and a little play thing for the children, please let me know now so that I might prepare my heart and my excuses for an early departure.

I promise, that would be better for our renewed friendship.

Sincerely,

Louise