Weird

Dear Thelma,

I wound up staying up very late last night. I read your letter during the wee hours.

I eventually went to sleep, and then woke up this morning thinking that I had the strangest dream last night. I thought to myself, "Wow, I must know Thelma really well, cause I dreamed exactly what she would say." Then I looked again and saw that my dream WAS your letter!

The Moral of the story: If Kristen Wig appears to you in a dream, its probably just your friend Thelma in disguise.

Disturbingly yours,

Louise

Frustrated With Boring Homeschoolers Too

Dear Louise,

I so wish that I had no idea what you were talking about, but unfortunately I do. Case in point, I took my daughter to ballet today. Now usually, I go to Whole Foods or sit in the library "studying" (code for being on Facebook). But today, I decided to sit in the dressing room with the other mothers. I did this mainly because one of the other moms reminds me of a Kristen Wiig character and I was hoping she would say something ridiculous. But I digress. I sat in this room with 4 other homeschool mothers and within the span of five minutes I wanted to kill myself.

They talked about grades and fancy field trips and curriculum and manners and teaching strategies and getting up early so they could cook a "well-rounded" breakfast to give their children the energy they needed to "reach their potential". And then they talked about their children's stubbornness and unwillingness to learn. Honestly, I wasn't shocked by their kids' behaviors. I mean, have they met themselves? Do they like being around themselves? Geez.

Like I said, after five minutes I was ready to commit an act of violence. Pardon my language but, Damn women, lighten up! Maybe it's just an act they put on to impress each other, but I think not. I think they believe the crap that talk on and on and on about. They teach their 7 year olds for 7 hours a day. They make them learn logic and philosophy and Latin in first grade. They push their kid to be a minimum of one grade level ahead. Whatever happened to fun?

I guarantee they haven't cranked up Barracuda or Bohemian Rhapsody in the middle of a school day for a dance off. Or skipped school to take the kids to play tennis. Or jumped out from behind a door to scare the bejeebers out of their cranky teenager. Nope. It's all soooooo serious.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're wrong. Maybe in order to be a good mother we have to push our kids to do ridiculous things and then kiss their butts by cleaning their rooms for them because we feel guilty. Maybe we should coddle and harass our kids to "excel".

But really? I would rather enjoy them. Teach them. Prepare them for college. Push them so they know they can accomplish hard things, but keep the sense of wonder and fun that makes childhood so wonderful. *sigh* I want to stay up until midnight, lying in the front yard and watching shooting stars.

Are we really all alone in thinking this way? Aren't there any other people out there who want to make homeschooling fun? Who haven't lost their sense of playfulness? Who enjoy being with their kids? Maybe there are... I wish we knew where they were!

Slightly Frustrated and More Than a Little Sleepy,
Thelma


BTW, after five minutes I excused myself and went to the library where I cruised Cakewrecks.com for a good laugh. It kept me from jumping off the proverbial ledge. lol

More thoughts

Dear Thelma,

There are several things about your last letter that make me laugh out loud and like you even more.

I agree with all of your points. Especially the one about sex with the husband. For real. That is important. More people should see it that way.

As for your rant. I did not in the least find it disturbing or offensive. Obviously this probably makes me as crazy as you are. I think I am fine with that. The longer I live on God's green earth, the more I find that I am OK with people thinking I am crazy. Now that I have a friend that is just as crazy, well, I think it just encourages me to carry on with the crazy.

I think you are dead on with your extremes. I see them everywhere. They annoy me.

Another thing that annoys me in the homeschooling world, is this. I see a trend where the Moms are setting themselves up to be "Indispensable". It seems that they do so much for there kids, they are creating an environment where their kids cannot live without them, and if God for bid they decide to have a night out, or take a nap, or ~GASP~ sit down and watch a movie, then the whole world comes crashing down around them. I for one, want to be able to kiss my kids goodbye and go out for the evening without them calling be every half hour, or me having to call them 2 hours later to tell them goodnight. I also like to take a nap every once in a while knowing that everyone in the house will surely not perish. For goodness sake, I don't have to wipe butts anymore, so why act like they still need me to!

I can hear it now, ( not from you because I am quickly realizing that we are 2 very like minded individuals) "You don't love your children like I do." Blah blah blah. I love my children very much. Very Very Much! But shoot, I am raising them in the hopes that someday in the next decade, (that sounds kind of scary) they will have the ability to move out and not need me for every little thing. I am hopefully raising them to have the wherewithall to wipe their hiney's when they need wiping, to wash their clothes when they are dirty, to go to bed when they are sleepy, to do their homework when they have homework, to fix something to eat when they are hungry. I'm sure you see where I am going with this.

I just don't think my purpose is to cater to them. Rather to train them how to be functioning human beings.

Obviously this doesn't mean I sit on my be hind and do nothing for them. I fix them dinner, but I teach them how to do the same. I wash their clothes, but I show them how to use the washer too. I even occasionally ask "Did you wipe your butt?". I mean, they are still kids after all, and lets face it, kids are disgusting and left to their own probably wouldn't wipe their butts.

This is why they have us. To guide. To train. To prepare for life.

The Bible says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Unfortunately we live in a world, even in the world of Christiandom, that doesn't have a clue what that means or what it looks like, let alone how to execute it.

Well Thelma, I'm going to wrap this letter up for the night. My bones are tired from the day. A good day, but you know the older I get, the tireder I become at the end of the day. I suppose its not always a bad thing.

Looking forward to corresponding more with you. I think we have the makings of a very special friendship.

Lovingly,

Louise

Louise,
Your link in your previous letter is utterly ridiculous. I agree with you that I never want to visit them. I have actually compiled a list of reasons why:
1. They have no true plumbing. The thoughts of a "compostable toilet" make me gag.
2. Where do the children sleep? Personally, I like having sex with my husband way too much to have an audience.
3. I like straight lines and the occasional corner.
4. We do not live in the Middle Ages. They're called the "Dark Ages" for a reason.
5. What happens to the global economy if everyone lives like they do? I'll tell you, it would collapse and the Black Death would make a comeback.
6. Their children go to bed dirty and with no social encounters with people other than their parents. It's like they're being raised on an island, a la` Swiss Family Robinson.
7. As a Christian, I believe we are called to engage culture, not separate ourselves from it.

Point number 7 brings me to a place I like to call "The Rant". I'm not sure, Louise, that you are ready for one of my rants. I am told they can be disturbing and offensive. Suffice it to say that I believe there has to be a balance. The way I see it, there are two extremes that the people I know go to.

Extreme 1:
Being so much a part of culture that there is no discernible difference between you and it. This consists of dropping the children off at public/private school and youth group and not thinking about them again. Let them watch whatever they want! Let them make their own choices, whatever! If they want to wear butt-cheek revealing shorts and hooker make-up, let them. If they want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend when they're nine years old, that's not only okay; it's cute. R-rated movies? Sure! Apparently, the gospel will get to them by osmosis or something.

Extreme 2:
Lock them up and throw away the key. Only southern gospel music is allowed. No Harry Potter or Twilight; they might want to become a witch or vampire. No make-up, no fashionable clothing, no modern hairstyles. No knees showing whatsoever! Teach them at home; where they study the Bible three hours a day. No youth group; there are bad kids there, dontcha know? No dating allowed; they might be tempted to ... kiss  *gasp* before their wedding night. Apparently, parenting, when done absolutely right, reverses the effects of the Fall. Good to know.

Louise, I hope I haven't offended you. I hope you are not in one of these groups. If so, sue me. I fit no mold. I homeschool for the joy of it. I like my kids! I like learning and teaching. And with the school district we're zoned for, I know I can give my kids a better education. But, at the same time, I'm not afraid of public schools. I don't think my kids will get knifed in the bathroom or become addicted to cough syrup. It's simply a matter of preference and desire. But I take teaching them very seriously. Scripture says to be deliberate in teaching them the character and faithfulness of God.

So, now I am metaphorically out of breath and hoping that you are still my friend.

Greatly relieved,
Thelma