Dear Louise,
Just when I start to get really down on myself for not remembering the truth of who I am in Christ, I meet someone, another Christian, who has never even heard of the concept.

God is very clear on the subject. We are not our sin. Our identity has nothing to do with what we do, but everything to do with who we belong to. And yet, so many... maybe the majority, of churches teach that we must work to make ourselves perfect. They say things like, "It makes God sad when we sin." or "God will judge each and every one of the sins we don't repent of." Those things are just not Biblical.

Romans 7 says that when I do things that I don't want to do, or don't do the things that I know I ought, it is no longer I who do it, but sin living in me. He says it twice in case you missed it the first time. It is no longer I who do it, but sin living in me.

What does that mean for the believer? It means that my sin is a separate entity from ME. It means that my sin is something I repent of, not something that I own. It means that I don't have to be surprised at myself when I fail. And I don't have the right to be devastated when someone sins against me. News Flash: We are all fallen.

I know, Louise, that I get all high and mighty. I know I rant about other people's weirdness. But I think mostly I get angry when I see people living by the law; living as though there is anything that they can do to make God love them more or less.

My heart is full. I want to be glib and funny. I want to make you laugh. I am tempted to take things back to the surface, but I love you too much for that. This is a good place to be. Weak. For it is in His weakness that we are made strong.

It's all good.

Your Fellow Weakling,
Thelma

Dear Thelma- I must be a failure

I do not do everything or even 5 things or probably not even 1 thing perfectly.

I do not teach my children every subject in school everyday.

I do not ask my children if they've brushed their teeth everyday.

I do not fix 3 meals a day for my children.

I do not clean my baseboards on a weekly, monthly, or yearly basis.

I do not bathe the dog. Ever.

I do not even bathe myself daily.

I do not let my children participate in every extra curricular activity known to man.

I do not always show love to my husband.

I do not keep the oil changed in my car.

I do not keep my nails manicured.

I do not keep my garden weeded.

I do not have a garden.

I do not make my bed everyday.

I do not love everyone like I should.

I do not always practice what I preach.

I do not seek God like I should.

That only cracks the surface of the things I do not do, but I cling to the words "BUT GOD" and know that me not doing all those things makes those words even more beautiful.

I don't write that list as a martyr. I write it as a daughter of Christ that knows He does not ask me to do any of those things to assure His love for me, or my salvation. But God, by His grace injected into my life every second of the day, is helping me be who I am in Him.

Its a freeing thing to be able to look at a list of things that I do not do, recognize that most of those things are ridiculous anyway, and be good with that.

To know that some of those things are crazy things that the world would have me to be like, and not what God would have me to be like.

Its a sobering thing to write that list and see that some of those things by Gods grace I will get better at. I will bring Glory to Him through. That He has called me to a higher calling than myself and this world.

Its nice to know that I have a friend like you.

Thankful for Grace,

Louise

Weird

Dear Thelma,

I wound up staying up very late last night. I read your letter during the wee hours.

I eventually went to sleep, and then woke up this morning thinking that I had the strangest dream last night. I thought to myself, "Wow, I must know Thelma really well, cause I dreamed exactly what she would say." Then I looked again and saw that my dream WAS your letter!

The Moral of the story: If Kristen Wig appears to you in a dream, its probably just your friend Thelma in disguise.

Disturbingly yours,

Louise

Frustrated With Boring Homeschoolers Too

Dear Louise,

I so wish that I had no idea what you were talking about, but unfortunately I do. Case in point, I took my daughter to ballet today. Now usually, I go to Whole Foods or sit in the library "studying" (code for being on Facebook). But today, I decided to sit in the dressing room with the other mothers. I did this mainly because one of the other moms reminds me of a Kristen Wiig character and I was hoping she would say something ridiculous. But I digress. I sat in this room with 4 other homeschool mothers and within the span of five minutes I wanted to kill myself.

They talked about grades and fancy field trips and curriculum and manners and teaching strategies and getting up early so they could cook a "well-rounded" breakfast to give their children the energy they needed to "reach their potential". And then they talked about their children's stubbornness and unwillingness to learn. Honestly, I wasn't shocked by their kids' behaviors. I mean, have they met themselves? Do they like being around themselves? Geez.

Like I said, after five minutes I was ready to commit an act of violence. Pardon my language but, Damn women, lighten up! Maybe it's just an act they put on to impress each other, but I think not. I think they believe the crap that talk on and on and on about. They teach their 7 year olds for 7 hours a day. They make them learn logic and philosophy and Latin in first grade. They push their kid to be a minimum of one grade level ahead. Whatever happened to fun?

I guarantee they haven't cranked up Barracuda or Bohemian Rhapsody in the middle of a school day for a dance off. Or skipped school to take the kids to play tennis. Or jumped out from behind a door to scare the bejeebers out of their cranky teenager. Nope. It's all soooooo serious.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're wrong. Maybe in order to be a good mother we have to push our kids to do ridiculous things and then kiss their butts by cleaning their rooms for them because we feel guilty. Maybe we should coddle and harass our kids to "excel".

But really? I would rather enjoy them. Teach them. Prepare them for college. Push them so they know they can accomplish hard things, but keep the sense of wonder and fun that makes childhood so wonderful. *sigh* I want to stay up until midnight, lying in the front yard and watching shooting stars.

Are we really all alone in thinking this way? Aren't there any other people out there who want to make homeschooling fun? Who haven't lost their sense of playfulness? Who enjoy being with their kids? Maybe there are... I wish we knew where they were!

Slightly Frustrated and More Than a Little Sleepy,
Thelma


BTW, after five minutes I excused myself and went to the library where I cruised Cakewrecks.com for a good laugh. It kept me from jumping off the proverbial ledge. lol

More thoughts

Dear Thelma,

There are several things about your last letter that make me laugh out loud and like you even more.

I agree with all of your points. Especially the one about sex with the husband. For real. That is important. More people should see it that way.

As for your rant. I did not in the least find it disturbing or offensive. Obviously this probably makes me as crazy as you are. I think I am fine with that. The longer I live on God's green earth, the more I find that I am OK with people thinking I am crazy. Now that I have a friend that is just as crazy, well, I think it just encourages me to carry on with the crazy.

I think you are dead on with your extremes. I see them everywhere. They annoy me.

Another thing that annoys me in the homeschooling world, is this. I see a trend where the Moms are setting themselves up to be "Indispensable". It seems that they do so much for there kids, they are creating an environment where their kids cannot live without them, and if God for bid they decide to have a night out, or take a nap, or ~GASP~ sit down and watch a movie, then the whole world comes crashing down around them. I for one, want to be able to kiss my kids goodbye and go out for the evening without them calling be every half hour, or me having to call them 2 hours later to tell them goodnight. I also like to take a nap every once in a while knowing that everyone in the house will surely not perish. For goodness sake, I don't have to wipe butts anymore, so why act like they still need me to!

I can hear it now, ( not from you because I am quickly realizing that we are 2 very like minded individuals) "You don't love your children like I do." Blah blah blah. I love my children very much. Very Very Much! But shoot, I am raising them in the hopes that someday in the next decade, (that sounds kind of scary) they will have the ability to move out and not need me for every little thing. I am hopefully raising them to have the wherewithall to wipe their hiney's when they need wiping, to wash their clothes when they are dirty, to go to bed when they are sleepy, to do their homework when they have homework, to fix something to eat when they are hungry. I'm sure you see where I am going with this.

I just don't think my purpose is to cater to them. Rather to train them how to be functioning human beings.

Obviously this doesn't mean I sit on my be hind and do nothing for them. I fix them dinner, but I teach them how to do the same. I wash their clothes, but I show them how to use the washer too. I even occasionally ask "Did you wipe your butt?". I mean, they are still kids after all, and lets face it, kids are disgusting and left to their own probably wouldn't wipe their butts.

This is why they have us. To guide. To train. To prepare for life.

The Bible says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Unfortunately we live in a world, even in the world of Christiandom, that doesn't have a clue what that means or what it looks like, let alone how to execute it.

Well Thelma, I'm going to wrap this letter up for the night. My bones are tired from the day. A good day, but you know the older I get, the tireder I become at the end of the day. I suppose its not always a bad thing.

Looking forward to corresponding more with you. I think we have the makings of a very special friendship.

Lovingly,

Louise

Louise,
Your link in your previous letter is utterly ridiculous. I agree with you that I never want to visit them. I have actually compiled a list of reasons why:
1. They have no true plumbing. The thoughts of a "compostable toilet" make me gag.
2. Where do the children sleep? Personally, I like having sex with my husband way too much to have an audience.
3. I like straight lines and the occasional corner.
4. We do not live in the Middle Ages. They're called the "Dark Ages" for a reason.
5. What happens to the global economy if everyone lives like they do? I'll tell you, it would collapse and the Black Death would make a comeback.
6. Their children go to bed dirty and with no social encounters with people other than their parents. It's like they're being raised on an island, a la` Swiss Family Robinson.
7. As a Christian, I believe we are called to engage culture, not separate ourselves from it.

Point number 7 brings me to a place I like to call "The Rant". I'm not sure, Louise, that you are ready for one of my rants. I am told they can be disturbing and offensive. Suffice it to say that I believe there has to be a balance. The way I see it, there are two extremes that the people I know go to.

Extreme 1:
Being so much a part of culture that there is no discernible difference between you and it. This consists of dropping the children off at public/private school and youth group and not thinking about them again. Let them watch whatever they want! Let them make their own choices, whatever! If they want to wear butt-cheek revealing shorts and hooker make-up, let them. If they want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend when they're nine years old, that's not only okay; it's cute. R-rated movies? Sure! Apparently, the gospel will get to them by osmosis or something.

Extreme 2:
Lock them up and throw away the key. Only southern gospel music is allowed. No Harry Potter or Twilight; they might want to become a witch or vampire. No make-up, no fashionable clothing, no modern hairstyles. No knees showing whatsoever! Teach them at home; where they study the Bible three hours a day. No youth group; there are bad kids there, dontcha know? No dating allowed; they might be tempted to ... kiss  *gasp* before their wedding night. Apparently, parenting, when done absolutely right, reverses the effects of the Fall. Good to know.

Louise, I hope I haven't offended you. I hope you are not in one of these groups. If so, sue me. I fit no mold. I homeschool for the joy of it. I like my kids! I like learning and teaching. And with the school district we're zoned for, I know I can give my kids a better education. But, at the same time, I'm not afraid of public schools. I don't think my kids will get knifed in the bathroom or become addicted to cough syrup. It's simply a matter of preference and desire. But I take teaching them very seriously. Scripture says to be deliberate in teaching them the character and faithfulness of God.

So, now I am metaphorically out of breath and hoping that you are still my friend.

Greatly relieved,
Thelma

Dear Thelma- Homeschooling & Recycling, Oh my!

Dear Thelma,

You can't imagine how happy I was to receive your last letter!

To think that all this time I thought I was completely alone in the homeschooling world.

Yes, can you believe it, I also homeschool!

I look forward to sitting down over a nice cup of coffee (maybe with a shot of Baileys due to my "headaches") and discuss our philosophies as you said. There are so many out there and I do so hope that you are not one of the many crazies that I know.

Just tell me this...do you wear pants and is your hair in a bun? I'm just trying to prepare myself.

You aren't going to believe this either. Brace yourself. Are you ready?

I recycle too!

Sometimes I think maybe I do it just to drive the people in my house crazy with all the sorting.

But then I tell myself, sorting is a good skill for these people to learn, and I feel better about going green-ish.

Before I close for the evening, I am enclosing an article for you to read on some really ultimate, go green type people. I'm pretty sure that they are type A,D,S,& P people all rolled into one.

I'm also pretty sure I never want to go visit them.

Enjoy the read and I hope to hear back from you soon!

Lovingly,

Louise

Dear Louise - Things You Should Know

Thank you for your honesty in your previous letter. If your dog does housework, by all means bring him with you! I would love to entertain him. If, however, he does not, I have nothing here for him. I, myself, have work animals. They have their individual chores to do. If they don’t pull their weight, they are fired. Kill vermin, bark at strangers, eat my scraps so my garbage doesn’t stink, etc. Do it or die. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

I should warn you though: I’ve turned into a bit of a hippie since we saw one another last. When you get here, you will be required to do things like compost and recycle. Don’t panic; it’s not that hard. You’ll get used to it. We also eat organic meat and drink almond milk. If you feel appalled by this, I suggest a trip to the store. I have reusable shopping bags if you need to borrow one.

We have full amenities here in the backwoods. Running water, indoor plumbing, laundry facilities. Our washing machine is, of course, an Energy Star rated appliance; we must think green. And we make our washing detergent. I think you’ll like it.

During the day, I will be unavailable for a few hours. I don’t know if I told you that I home school my children. We can discuss my educational philosophy at a later date. I hope you’re okay with that.

I’m terribly excited about your visit! I just know we’re going to want to be together for always. Please let me know if you have any questions!

Yours Forever,
Thelma

Dear Thelma- My thoughts on Pets

Thank you for the invite to your home after all these years. I think it will be just wonderful to visit you and what I am sure is your fine family.

Before my visit however, I thought we should get a few things out in the open in order to assure a stress free get together for the both of us.

Just so you know, I will not be bringing any animals to your home. I find it tacky and really quite presumptuous to even think that someone would want to not only entertain me and my snarling bunch of children, but a flea ridden or not flea ridden beast with 4 legs.

Don't get me wrong Thelma, I like my dog. Heck, I even let the fur ball in on certain catastrophic occasions, but I know that you know that I know that you don't care what tricks "Fluffy" can do on any given day. Truth be told, I don't care what tricks "Fluffy" can do. (Unless of course those tricks were to clean the kitchen on a daily basis, in which case I would be totally remiss in NOT bringing "Fluffy" on my visit.)

Having said these things, please understand when I arrive at your home, I would rather be greeted by snotty nosed children carrying buckets of your wash water, than your dog dressed in his best sweater, standing on hind legs juggling your homemade tennis balls. While this may be impressive to some (and by some I mean my children, as well as any number of producers from that "Animal Planet" network) I for one could care less.

It is a great pet peeve of mine to witness dogs doing anything other than being dogs. I would rather see a dog lick himself for 3.25 hours, than to see him carefully walk the balance beam in your yard while doing back flips and drinking a soda. Really, its quite absurd.

If your regard for you pets is anything other than a protector of your home and a little play thing for the children, please let me know now so that I might prepare my heart and my excuses for an early departure.

I promise, that would be better for our renewed friendship.

Sincerely,

Louise